20:07"I feel so alone. nobody really cares about me, I’m everybody’s second choice. Okay, there’s a guy, he is nice and he wants to be together with me, I don’t want to hurt him, but I wouldn’t be happy and also I couldn’t make him happy. One of my best friends is in a relationship and she has never time for it’s always: oh no, sorry, but I spend the day with tom. And my other really good friend is angry on me and she doesn’t want to talk with me about it. And I haven’t in holidays for years with my parents, every time it’s the same: next year for sure. But “next year” are now 5 years and I’m sick of all these promises. And this year was also very exhausting, because my mum had a burn out and wanted to kill herself, she had to spend 3 month in a special rehabilitation facility, now she’s fine and she feels like new born, but she’s so different. She isn’t really interested in my life anymore that makes me really sad. And after I broke up with my exboyfriend he said: I also could have broke up with you when that happened with your mum, it was also difficult for me. I’m so angry on him, that sentence hurted so much. He doesn’t know a bit, the day when I got home and I didn’t if my mum is alive or dead, was the worst day in my life. And the worst was, when my mum was these 3 months away, I couldn’t say her how I feel and every night I cryed myself to sleep, I have till now awful nightmares of this day. The first time just my closest friends knew of it and sometimes it was so difficult to don’t say anything to them, but some day I broke down in front of my hole class.
I just want to feel loved of my friends and family.
I don’t want to feel alone.
What should I do?"